Give me....five? (Did I really say that?)

One of the hardest " 5 kid" days yet.
Bear with me for this emotional release and mental sort-out through writing.

6:30 am- wake up so I can take a walk. Nathan comes out wanting bkfst. Wes, who was just fed an
        hour earlier, starts to fuss. Get Nate's cereal and haul out of there.

7:00 am- Shower. Try on capris. Too tight. Not good when my emotional self starts heading downhill
       first thing. Just button up and pull it together for morning routine Jul. Come on!

7:30- Feeding Wes while trying to have Fam. Scrip. Study. Think: "O.K...today's feedings at 10:30, 2:30, and 5:00- so we can make Desi's soccer practice at 5:30 and he'll be fed and happy before Cara's
         program."

8:00- Pre-treat today's laundry

8:45- Kids on bus after speed hair-dos for Cara's "Utah" program and Desi's field trip. Straighten house
       including refreshments from Nathan's preschool commencement we hosted last night.

9:45- Ponytail and mascara...then off to errands.

10:00- Bank. Add Wes's social to his account. Deposit some checks. Of course a sucker for Nate!

10:15- Gordman's to Return John's shorts. Buy some BIGGER for me- which I went to the suburban
           and relieved my squished in self with immediately.

10:30- Feed Wes in suburban so we could conquer one more store

11:00- Target to return rug and too big baby onesies. And to get MORE binkies since Wes apparently
        prefers silicone over laytex. Also pick up Nate shirt and Will pants for Sat.'s fam. picture.  Potty
        break here. Starving! Pick up protein bars to eat at Desi's school field trip/ picnic. Ran out of time
        to finish the list which included 2 bags of skittles to give my Dad's machines at upcoming b-day
        parties.

12:00- Barely make it to Des's field trip at the park to say Hi and take her requested water bottle.  (side
           note- Also find 2 treasures while picking up after the 2nd graders. unopened pack of apples and
           unopened pack of carrot sticks. Nathan's lunch! Score! -He didn't happen to like the mocha
          flavored Kashi bars I selected at Target. If these contain caffeine, please forgive me. Heaven
          knows, however, today would be a nice day for some. I think they are caffeine free, but either
          way,good news is I now know my kids won't be foraging them due to the mature flavor-.  So I
         discreetly slide the fruit and veggie loot into Wes's carseat. I call it the day's mana.

12:30- Broadbents for blue yarn- hems for Will's cut-off shorts.

1:00- Dry cleaners- drop off John's pants so they are ready for Sun.

1:20-Walk Nate to friend's house.
1:30- Laundry in, water new bushes in yard. LOVE this Mom's Day gift from my hard workin hubbie.
1:45- Research Luau games for Will's upcoming graduation class party.
2:30- Feed Wes, Read a little from Ensign, then doze off for a cat nap. Change him.
          Finish arranging family pic outfits
3:00- Check email- Caroline's hold is in at library, Michael Vey part 2.
         Need to register Desi and Nate for soccer.
3:20- Walk to pick up Nate
3:30- Rotate Laundry
3:35- Bath for Wes.
3:45- KIDS HOME!!!!!!!  Wait!!!! I wasn't ready yet!!! I was going to have the laundry folded, and the
         celery cut for Hawaiian haystacks, and the rooms inspected so I'd know what they had to get  
         done before snack... but alas, ready or not. Try to act happy and nurturing here.

3:50- Desi breaks out supplies for "Koala" oral report poster. I guess we're doing this now. Wes
         screaming. Me yelling directives at Des for how to spell words and what goes where. Continually
        pulling my newest phrase, "I don't have 5 brains. You have to think for yourself"  on the rest of
        the kids who have questions like "Are my chores done yet?" "What time does piano start?"
       "What fruit or veggie can I eat before I make Ramen..."

4:15- Cara off to piano. Didn't get time for snack. Frustration on all parts.
4:45- Still  "Koala"ing.  Dryer buzzes.  Unload the most wrinkle prone items.

5:00- Realize Hawaiian Haystacks are not happening. Tell boys to warm up last night's pizza leftovers.
        Tell Des to get dressed for soccer and Cara to brush teeth so she can smile pretty on stage.
**** REALIZE I DON'T HAVE TIME TO FEED WES BEFORE WE GO. Hope to feed him between 5:35 and 6:00 while Will and Nate save our seats.

5:45- At Sego Lily. Good seats. Wes still asleep.  Will he last another 45 min??? Debate. Train Will on
        both cameras just in case.

6:00- John drops Des off at program and heads to combined YM/YW that he couldn't get out of.

6:10- Wes fussing. I hand off camera and place him in front pack.
6:15- New LAYTEX binkie not cutting it. ALL OUT SCREAM. I head to back of gymnasium and
         into restroom. This is where I get creative. Out of complete and total desperation. I try the trick a
        sister in my ward uses when the nursing lounge chairs are all full. Loosen up the front pack straps
        so his mouth is more even with what he wants, and stick it on in.

This is where it gets shamefully embarrassing. Is this worse than the hobo scrounging at Wine's park earlier? You be the judge.

I walk out into the hall with my arm over Wes's head but realize this probably isn't enough coverage. I spot a forgotten hoodie on the hallway floor. That'll have to do. I re-enter the crowd filled gymnasium JUST in time to see that Caroline's tapping group is beginning their feature number about the Railroad.
Do I have time to snap a still shot while Will films. Probably not of this number. Darn.

Make my way back to where my kids are sitting (still nursing under the lost and found hoodie) and mouth to Will that I need my nursing shield. He rummages around and locates it. I skillfully suit up, and we are in business for about 2 more songs. At which time I realize I may not be relaxed enough to get much of a letdown. I think he is just getting what was already there.

WHY HAVEN'T WE BEEN MORE DILIGENT WITH THIS PUMPING/ BOTTLE FEEDING THING???  Well, at this point, I don't know that a bottle would have been much more convenient. Maybe so. Our family only has ourselves to blame for our kids' lack of bottle sucking ability. But we haven't totally given up. In fact, it was in my bedtime prayer just tonight. (hint, hint, kids... help me out here)

6:40- I'm back out in the hall trying to switch sides and having no success. he is beyond consolation in this position. The last song finishes and there applause. I start checking classroom doors to find a private chair, and end up in the faculty room on the couch. I dial my neighbor, who we sat by- to ask her to let my kids know where to come, but she doesn't answer. I burp Wes as I walk back to the gym to get them and we load our carseat, camera, diaper bag, etc. back to the faculty lounge- hoping to see or have to talk to NO ONE.  Kids being extra helpful as they can sense tension in the air. They get all worried about being in that room, and noone can relax, not even Wes to eat. I tell Cara good job, and we march on out of there.

I recently read in a book by Emily Watts called "I Hate it when Exercise is the Answer" that we should open up the pop bottle lid atop ourselves and let out a little fizz every once in a while when we feel it building so that we don't end up SPRAYING our stresses out all at once on unlucky bystanders.  I think I need some help with this. I exercised and stretched this morn. I had a moment for spiritual study. I even asked Cara to pray on our way to the Utah program that Mom could calm down and Cara could do her best. I bought myself new pants today-which was actually NOT what I call fun- I took time to clip my nails and pluck some eyebrow hairs.  But still my fizz was fizzin'.

We got the parking lot and found that the Suburban had been switched out for the van because John had to take youth to the activity. Here it came. The teary eyes that had begun moments earlier turned to sobs and, mind you, DROOLS as I pointed to spots where my kids could sit atop drywall buckets and tool boxes. It was ugly. Will and Cara-extremely quiet and helpful now- popped up a seat so I could buckle Wes, and we headed home.

Before exiting the van, I turned to my kids and as composed as possible and told them the only clear thought I could conjecture at the moment. "It's not what happens to us, but what we do with what happens to us that matters." How's that for a memorable driveway speech? I know full well that it is up to me to model emotional resilience. I told them I was sorry for my weakness and my bad planning and my loss of control, but that I was ready to go in and finish out the evening as peacefully as possible. I also enlisted their help by informing them that I can't run the house alone (surprise-surprise) , hence, there would be no free time tonight unless all the socks were matched and put away, etc. etc.

7:18- Realize Will is supposed to be at scouts right now. Run him to church while others do dishes...
7:30- Sorry Koalas, but you are not very cute to me about now.
8:00- Feed Wes. He didn't get quite full before, and we usually do cluster feeding in the evenings.
         Listen to Will recite poem he needs to memorize for tomorrow.
8:40- Jammies on kids. Graham crackers and milk.

We kneel in prayer and I ask Father to help me be more calm and focus on the positive. For peace in our home amidst the rush. Our continual prayer. I mention each child by name and ask for help with their specifics. Thankful for them.

All 5 He gave me.

P.S. 11:30- Foot rub from John after he read this post.  :)